Tom Cruise

I saw a picture many years ago of Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise’s then 4-year-old, eating penis gummy bears. What the hell? I want some! My ex-husband brought me home a penis sucker once. Made me wonder what he did all day while I was at work. So yeah, Suri was eating gummy bears but they weren’t bears. They were wieners. I guess it doesn’t matter. A little girl wanted candy and, for whatever reason, Tom Cruise had penis candy. Okay.

Tom Cruise was born Thomas Cruise Mapother IV on July 3, 1962. The family was apparently poor and Dad was abusive. The family moved around a lot when Tom was a kid. He says he was bullied regularly in the 15 different schools he attended in 12 years. I guess that explains why he became a bully. Tom’s mom left his abusive dad when Tom was 12. Good for her! I can’t stand weak women who stay in bad relationships. It’s not that hard to be on your own and you’re much better off in most cases. Kick him to the curb, ladies!

Movies

Tom Cruise actually had some good early movies that I liked. The Outsiders and All the Right Moves were awesome. I even liked him in Risky Business. The movie Rain Man was wonderful but mainly because of Dustin Hoffman. Tom’s character in that movie was such a dick. Mmm….I wonder how hard that was for him to play. It was around Jerry Maguire in 1996 that he started to irritate me. I think it’s the big phony insincere smile that gets to me. Any he’s a bully coward. Yes, those do exist. I think most bullies are cowards. The Mission Impossible movies were pretty awesome but I think that was more because of the action and excitement. I do have to give props to Tom if he really did do most of the stunts in those movies. That’s pretty cool.

Trivia

• Tom Cruise lived with Rebecca De Mornay from 1983-1985 and then began dating Mimi Rogers.
• He was married to Mimi Rogers from 1987 to 1990. Emilio Estevez was the best man at their wedding.
• Tom was married to Nicole Kidman from 1990 to 2001.
• He then lived with Penelope Cruz from 2001-2004 and was engaged to Katie Holmes in 2005. Apparently he’s one of those guys who can’t be alone. I’ll bet he went from living with mommy to living with girlfriends/wives.
• Tom Cruise was married to Katie Holmes from 2006 to 2012.
• His first wife was born in 1956, his second wife was born in 1967, and his third wife was born in 1978. See the pattern, math people? They’re all 11 years apart. I predict his next wife will be Taylor Swift, who was born in 1989.
• Tom enrolled in a seminary at age 14 to become a priest. Now he feeds his kid penis candy.
• Tom was considered for the lead role in The Matrix, which of course went to Keanu Reeves.
• He was also considered for the lead role in End of Days. That went to Arnold Schwarzenegger. I see the similarities between the two actors. Not.
• Tom was the original choice for the lead in Enemy of the State. That went to the super awesome Will Smith.
• He was also the original choice for the lead role in The Talented Mr. Ripley. That role went to the talented Matt Damon.
• Tom is dyslexic but claims that Scientology has cured him.  Okay.
• Tom Cruise jumped on a couch on Oprah and looked like an ass.
• He has a pilot’s license.
• He was mean to Brooke Shields and criticized her for taking meds to help with her postpartum depression. Hey! No uterus, no opinion.

Scientology

Tom Cruise is way into the Scientology thing. He has been with the “church” for over 30 years. Seems that Katie Holmes divorced him so that she and daughter Suri could get away from the cult religion. I’m sure there were other reasons, but this sounds like a good one. Good job, Katie. Get the hell out and stay far away. It was rumored recently that Tom was going to leave Scientology so that he could repair his relationship with Suri. That’s cool if it’s true, but I doubt he’ll be leaving anytime soon.

I don’t think I’d ever want to hang out with Tom Cruise. He seems like he would be a know-it-all. I don’t like those types of people. Even if you truly do know it all, don’t show off. Tom is allegedly filming the Top Gun sequel right now, but that’s been going on for years. As of this writing, Top Gun: Maverick is scheduled to be released in June 2020.

So yeah, Tom Cruise has made some great movies. I think he’s a know-it-all bully who is very insecure and can never be alone. The end.