This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone. ~Kevin McAllister, Home Alone
I know Home Alone is more of a Christmas movie, but I don’t care. I feel like writing about it. So there. I still find it on TV at least a couple times a month and I always watch it. It’s one of my favorite movies. This makes me super awesome.
Home Alone is about an adorable little boy named Kevin who is left alone at Christmas time. Kevin, played by Macaulay Culkin, was being a little turd child the night before the family was to fly to France, so mom sent him to the room on the third floor for the night. Everyone overslept the next morning and chaos ensued. Kevin’s plane ticket had accidentally been thrown away the night before when he got pissed at Buzz for eating all of the cheese pizza. When they were all rushing around the next morning to get to the airport, nobody noticed Kevin wasn’t there. When they got to the airport, nobody noticed he wasn’t there since they were all running to make the flight AND because Kevin’s ticket was in the trash at home.
While Kevin was home alone, he stayed up late watching scary movies, eating junk food, jumping on his parent’s bed, riding a sled down the stairs, grocery shopping, ordering a cheese pizza, and many more fun things. Yay! He also encountered a couple of bumbling burglars trying to rob the joint. The main part of the movie is Kevin planning on how to protect his house. I wonder why he didn’t just tell the cops. Mmm…..
Things I’ve Learned from Home Alone
- Always make sure to have at least one battery operated alarm in case the electricity goes out.
- The McCallisters live on the most boring street in the USA.
- Fuller (played by Macaulay Culkin’s brother, Kieran) wets the bed.
- Buzz wouldn’t let you sleep in his room if you were growing on his ass.
- French chicks don’t shave their pits.
- Buzz’ girlfriend is a dog. Woof!
- Macaroni and cheese is highly nutritious.
- Marv is afraid of the dark.
- Tell the basement furnace to shut up when you’re no longer ascared of it.
- When counting heads, make sure those heads belong to your family.
- You can tar the basement steps without your parents questioning you about it.
- “Angels with Filthy Souls” will help scare the pizza guy and the burglars.
- Make sure your toothbrush is approved by the American Dental Association.
- Cars in the garage doesn’t mean your family didn’t leave.
- Double bag whenever carrying groceries home.
- Polka is very big in Sheboygan.
- Tic Tacs are a good substitute for candy canes.
- The woman in the airport has a whole shoebox full of earrings. Long, dangly ones.
If you’ve never seen Home Alone, do yourself a favor and watch it. I love Macaulay Culkin. He’s great in this movie.