Brady Bunch Lessons Learned

Hello. Welcome to my Brady Bunch Lessons Learned post. I have a bit of an obsession with that show. I have started a list of things I’ve learned from watching the show for the last 50 years. Feel free to leave a comment so I can add it to the list. I will update as comments come in. Thank you for sharing in one of my most favorite guilty pleasures.

• It is common to forgive someone who holds all or part of your family hostage.
• When your two idiot children wander off into the Grand Canyon, the best course of action is to stand around and yell at each other. And eat beans.
• Companies used to always send families of eight and their domestic help on all-expense paid “business” trips to Hawaii (and Cincinnati theme parks) even in the days when air travel was affordable only to the fairly well off.
• If you look like Jim Backus or Vincent Price, you’re automatically immune from kidnapping charges.
• Nine people can fit into a station wagon comfortably.
• Bobby loves popcorn. Apparently, birds do not.
• Beans are very popular in caves.
• A vacation in Hawaii will transform your once straight hair into an afro.
• Paranoid gold miners still exist in 1971 Arizona ghost towns.

• All swinging groovy guys from another high school are named Phil Packer.
• Anyone who attends Fairview is a freak.
• The capital of Louisiana is “Baton Rouge, Baton Rouge!” Come on, Cindy!
• Benedict Arnold was a traitor.
• If a football smashes into your nose, something will suddenly come up.
• A shy, insecure girl who is apparently one step away from being Amish will morph overnight into a miniskirt-wearing diva with more attitude than a Kardashian.
• When someone talks like a baby it is a wonder they can walk.
• Jan’s teacher can’t add.
• Your father can’t postpone his business trip to attend your high school graduation.
• Felix Brown is a creep.
• A 13-year-old girl with braces does NOT look cute with her hair braided daily.
• The lead role in a high school production of “Romeo and Juliet” will turn you into a diva that alienates you from your family and friends.
• Your worst enemy is at the top of the crumb list.

• Don’t play ball in the house.
• If one Brady is good, then two are better.
• Saying the phrase “Pork Chops and Apple Sauce” in the style of Humphrey Bogart will not make you popular. It will make you a dork.
• Find out what you do best and do your best with it.
• Astroturf needs to be mowed.
• All drive-in movies are westerns with the same music.
• American families square dance in their living rooms while dressed like Minnie Pearl.
• Every pop music hit is basically the same jazzy song without lyrics and is groovy to dance to. Far out.
• Sometimes when we lose, we win.
• If you’ve never won a trophy, wandering around with a bizarre goat mask on will help ease your pain.
• If you want to kill a TV series, add a kid to the cast who looks like a miniature John Denver.

• If you find money you have to split it with your sisters even though they had nothing to do with it. You also have to split the $20 reward six ways. Do the math.
• Mrs. Cunningham wasn’t just a typical ‘50’s housewife in Milwaukee. She also moonlighted as a doctor…..but only for girls.
• There is a lot of pre-publicity for an exhibition football game, so much that the visiting star player arrives early and gets his own office.
• Mike Brady is not a little girl, but Mr. Hinton can handle him.
• You can pay off a gambling debt with chewing gum.
• Safe is better than Best. Or vice versa.
• You can become a pool shark after playing for one hour.
• You can appear on a local television station’s talent show with matching costumes (who made them??) and your parents have no idea you are on the show.
• Faking illness is a great way to manipulate the feelings of a professional NFL athlete and get them to visit you at your bedside.
• If you happen to be the housekeeper for a large family, beware of old suitors showing up out of nowhere to wine and dine you.
• The friendly neighborhood hardware store apparently does not stock glue strong enough to hold a ceramic vase together.
• Cindy keeps forgetting that she loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
• Freckles can be removed with lemons.
• Full blown laryngitis can be healed overnight.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed my Brady Bunch Lessons Learned and can partake a little bit in my obsession. Let’s keep the list going! Email me at ztams@comcast.net or comment below to add to the list.