Things I’ve Learned from Home Alone
Things I’ve Learned from Home Alone is just a fun way for me to show you my obsession with this movie. Feel free to comment to add your own.
Things I’ve Learned #1-10
1. The French would refer to Kevin as Les Incompetent.
2. If left home alone, have some dummies and mannequins ready to fool the neighborhood criminals.
3. When someone scares you and you hide under the bed, it’s best to show you’re tough by coming back outside and yelling “Hey, I’m not afraid anymore!”
4. Fuller wets the bed.
5. If you ever get caught by the burglars, don’t worry because a tarantula will be there to bail you out.
6. French chicks don’t shave under their arms.
7. It’s easy to set up half a dozen traps within the hour.
8. Marv is afraid of the dark.
9. Grocery store clerks are nosy.
10. Saying “shut up” to the furnace in the basement will make you feel like a bad ass.
Things I’ve Learned #11-20
11. Kevin is not afraid anymore.
12. Never go to the police if you get shot at during a pizza delivery.
13. Be careful where you put your statue outside.
14. Your parents won’t question you about the fresh layer of tar on the basement stairs.
15. Marv and Harry got scammed by a kindergartner.
16. The church is a place to hide from burglars.
17. Make sure all your kids are up when you are catching a plane.
18. Put the tickets in the microwave to dry.
19. If you hear a story about your neighbor, do some research first before you believe your brother.
20. You can sled down the stairs and out the front door even though they are not lined up.
Things I’ve Learned #21-30
21. Never wish your family away or it might come true.
22. When counting heads, double check that the heads you’re counting belong in the group because the kid next door could be going through your belongings.
23. Make sure your toothbrush is approved by the American Dental Association.
24. Double bag your groceries when carrying them home.
25. Having cars in the garage doesn’t necessarily mean your family is home.
26. Polka is very big in Sheboygan. Chicago, not so much.
27. Cops don’t seem to care that a frantic mom insists her son is home alone.
28. The McCallisters live on the most boring street in the USA.
29. Buzz’ girlfriend is ugly. Woof!
30. Applying aftershave still burns even if you don’t shave.
Things I’ve Learned #31-40
31. Eight-year old boys are smarter than middle aged crooks.
32. Polka Polka Polka was a fairly big hit.
33. Kris Kringle has parking tickets.
34. Tic Tacs make a good substitute for candy canes.
35. Santa doesn’t visit funeral homes.
36. Kevin thinks Playboy is sickening.
37. The woman at the airport in Paris has a whole shoebox full of earrings. Long dangly ones.
38. Kevin can’t make ornaments out of old fish hooks because of the dried worm guts stuck on them.
39. Uncle Frank likes free champagne.
40. Macaroni and cheese is highly nutritious.
Things I’ve Learned #41-??
41. Angels with Filthy Souls will come in handy when trying to scare people away.
42. Your next-door neighbor, who just saved your life, won’t wonder why you’re home alone and why your house is a total disaster area.
43. Always make sure to have a battery-operated alarm clock in case the power goes out.
44. The Wet Bandit’s calling card is overflowing the sink.
45. A great place to hide if you are being chased is a nativity scene.
46. Buzz wouldn’t let you sleep in his room if you were growing on his ass.
47. Kate feels like a heel flying first class while the kids are back in coach.
I wonder how long we can make this list of Things I’ve Learned from Home Alone. I thought Macaulay Culkin was just the cutest little boy in this movie. Do you have any to add to my list? Drop a comment with your addition and I’ll update the list.